AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Naked Twister starts at high noon
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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