They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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