I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
