By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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