oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
