Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
