the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Holy sore nipples Batman
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
