soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
