She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
