But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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