I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
