there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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