You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
