Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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