Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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