as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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