You're so nebulous sometimes
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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