mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
