I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
