Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
