i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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