Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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