Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
