spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
