he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
