I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
