I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
