my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i've created a new STD.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
