HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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