Quick, to the slutcave!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
