I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
