The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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