That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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