THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
