ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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