Kiss
Puke
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize