So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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