I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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