Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
