did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
