There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
