dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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