I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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