Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
