none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
