I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
