and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
