Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Green mimosas i think yes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
