We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
