Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
