I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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