why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
