I just threw up on my dentist
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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