i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
