I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
