That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
