i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
