Ambien. No doubt about it.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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