if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This can only be settled by a dance off.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
