So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
