I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
