margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This house was built for laser tag.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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