I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize