Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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