i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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