Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
