booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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