Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
